My Testimony

Wow, I dont even know where to begin!!

I'm just going to be really blunt and honest and pour my heart out. So when i was in 6th grade I started going to Deer Creek, I had been homeschooled up untill that point. I was so sheltered that when I entered a new world I was so lost and tried with all that was in me to fit in! I no longer cared about trying to look "Christian" I never had a true realtionship with God so I felt like there was nothing to lose! By 7 grade I was cutting my wrist, very depressed, and already promiscuous. I would have multiple boyfriends, make out with guys who I wasn't even dating. I was a cheater, a liar, a backstabber, and a rebel. I didnt listen to my parents, I just didnt care. I hid soo many things from them! and pretended to have it all together. By 8th grade I was drinking and smoking, the guys wanted more from me, I was still "technically a virgin" but didnt feel like it. By 9th grade that was it. I was sleeping around and my life was a wreck. When my parents discovered a few of my secrets, they blamed it on the school and pulled me out to homeschool me again. I was furious! How dare they take me away from alll my fun?! Who are they to rule my life?! It was my life right?! Why couldnt I decide whats best for me?! Yeah.. I was realllyy rebbellious, and just cause they took me out of Deer Creek didn't stop me from making wrong choices, but proabaly just made it worse. I continued to sneak out, it was becomming an every night event. There was a point in my life I decided to completely change and start over. It was then that satan tried to stop me, and he knew exactly what to do.. A guy. not only just a guy.. but a 21 year old Christian assistant youth pastor! (I was 15 at this time) He melted my heart and just tickled me how much he loved God. Who cares how old he was... I mean.. he was a Christian riiightt?? wrong. 5 months into the relationship and I could tell all of the boundaries and standards I had set for myself were fading. He was asking me to do uncalled of sexual things. I told him to stop so many times he would never listen, then afterwards apologize and make me feel guilty like it was my fault. We still hadn't had sex but I knew what our behaviors were leading to. So Feb 26th, of 2007 I brake him the news of me leaving him, I had had enough! He convinced me to sneak out one last time, to give him ONLY one last kiss and he PROMISED all he would do was talk.. ha. was I really that blinded? that stupid? I did not see it comming! So I agreed, met him that night.. and he did, exactly the opposite of what he promised.. he raped me... For weeks I was humiliated, shamed, guilty, couldn't tell anyone..It was my fault right? I was the one who agreed to sneak out! How stupid of me! I should've known! So then I felt worthless and just gave up! I started dating another guy who gave me attention so I just ate it all up. My parents hated him. They would NOT let me date him! That was it.. May 17th, 2007 I ran away/moved out of my parents for my boyfriend. I moved in with two strangers. They were 20 and 23 yr old pot head guys. I felt so sick to my stomach and couldnt believe what I was doing. Leaving my brothers crying in the driveway was the hardest thing I ever did! I know they felt rejection and just didnt understand! My heart still breaks for them! The next day I was locked out of the guys house cause they both went to work and I didnt have a house key yet. I so walked around Britton, Mcarther, NW expressay, and Hefner Lake, all by myself all day. Going from store to store getting job applications. While I was taking a nap at Hefner Lake my mom called from a payphone so I answered, she threatened to call the cops if I hung up. She told me she didnt mind if I stayed moved out but wanted me to go to someone she knew. I then compromised and agreed. After doing so I started thinking why the heck did i just do that?! They'll never find me and I can live my own life! So I called Nate, the guy I was living with to come pick me up, he did and we went to city bites to talk. I turned my phone off, ignoring my parents call... we then went to back to his house, and omg... my parents were in the neighborhood looking for me!! I freaked! So he drove me back to a gas station and dropped me off. I turned my phone back on and called my parents, saying my phone just went dead, explaining where I was and they came and got me. Getting in their car was the most awkward thing! I felt like they were strangers vs. my parents! They took me to Shanna and Jeromes.. I had only met shanna twice and never met Jerome or the kids.. I was frustrated cause I felt like I was walking in on their life and invading their family. I felt out of place and just wanted to go back to Nate's. The next day we got my stuff moved in, I was getting a little excited about living there after getting to know their family. My boyfriend on the other hand was pissed!!! He was not a Christian and knew Jerome and Shanna were influencing me. I ended up breaking up with him June 3rd and it didn't end too pretty. I would like to say I did great from here on out but that would be a lie. I started sleeping around again, with guys I didnt even know their name! It was almost worse than before! It was June 28th, 2007 that Jerome caught me with a guy. I felt like I betrayed them and started packing, I thought I should just move out before they kick me out.. they thought I was crazy!! I'll never forget that night! Shanna and I stayed up till the wee hours of the night talking about all of my past. Amoung the tears and wounds, found hope. I knew I wanted to change and I finally had the accountalbillity to help me! From that day on I have been striving to become more like God. To live my life fully for Him! Yes, I have still made mistakes since then and still do today! But dont we all?! I thank God for my weak moments, showing me that HE is my strength and I am nothing without Him! Needless to say, every piece of my life has fallen into place! He brought along the most amazing guy I could ever dream of! We've been together almost 6 months and havent even kissed! He's such a Godly man, so foreign to what I've known! I thank God everyday for blessing me soo much! And on New Years I moved back into my parents house. Yes, it has been difficult, but I'm so glad God has given me a family that loves me! I still see Shanna, Jerome and the kids 2 to 3 times a week! I'm expierencing God on a whole new level!! He's taking me deeper and deeper everyday!

I just want to say thank you to my friends and family who have been patient with me!

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has just read this! I know its long, but I hope it you got something out of it and it touched you and maybe even gave you hope to start over again!

God is so good. Dont ever underestimate Him!!!!

Thanks guys

Forever in love with my maker,

Wendy