YIKES! I've never realized how much bitterness I've stored up and kept just from my past and even recent relationships! Craigs message yesterday really spoke to me! It pinned the tail right on the donkey! For the last 4 or 5 months "A Change at Heart" has been my prayer to God. I want to be forgving and not bitter and jealous. I want commpassion and mercy and understanding. I want a heart like God! Sometimes I look at my own heart and just shutter. It disgusts me how bitter I have become, and more times then not, its been a constant struggle for me, wanting to change but just not knowing how. When yesterday Craig pointed out, all I have to do is just forgive. It seems so simple, we can say "oh I forgive you" all day long... but do we really mean it? Do we really let go, forgive, forget, what they did to us? Most of the time the answer is no for me and I dont even see it.
One of the verses that really stuck out to me yesturday that I didnt even know was in the bible was..
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
Wow. Are you serious?! That was a major wake up call for me. .
Then last night at small groups my lovely friend Lacy lead the group. And she used an orange as an example, passed it around the room, and we all took a piece of the peeling off as we confessed something 
we were hiding under, whether it be bitterness, or jealousy, or self image, or insecurity, etc. When I took off my pealing, I realized the root of all my emotional issues... I said I'm insecure with who I am and my body, my self image, so I look at other girls and plant a seed of jealousy in my heart, that grows into becomming bitter towards them because I want what they have, and then I develope this totally distorted fake relationship with them because I dislike them but hide it for no freaking reason. Its all just a cycle. Anyways, after everyone took some peeling off then we got to the oranges juicy fruit that you can actually eat. The example meaning.. if we dont let God take off all of our bitterness, jealousy, etc. then we wont be the fruit He intended us to be. If you were to take a bite out of that orange before peeling it you would want to spit it out because it would taste so bitter and gross! Thats how it is with us. We have to stop hiding who we truly are, and let God shine through us so we can be sweet and touch others! Be a light to the world!
we were hiding under, whether it be bitterness, or jealousy, or self image, or insecurity, etc. When I took off my pealing, I realized the root of all my emotional issues... I said I'm insecure with who I am and my body, my self image, so I look at other girls and plant a seed of jealousy in my heart, that grows into becomming bitter towards them because I want what they have, and then I develope this totally distorted fake relationship with them because I dislike them but hide it for no freaking reason. Its all just a cycle. Anyways, after everyone took some peeling off then we got to the oranges juicy fruit that you can actually eat. The example meaning.. if we dont let God take off all of our bitterness, jealousy, etc. then we wont be the fruit He intended us to be. If you were to take a bite out of that orange before peeling it you would want to spit it out because it would taste so bitter and gross! Thats how it is with us. We have to stop hiding who we truly are, and let God shine through us so we can be sweet and touch others! Be a light to the world! So... needless to say I recieved so much encouragement and so much hope! This is going to be an everyday decision I am going to make to choose to forgive, and to love. It excites me to know I'm going to be walking in such peace! I just love Jesus! He's so amazing :)
What the peeling of your orange? What are some things that you're hiding behind? Are you bitter towards people? Is it hard for you to forgive sometimes?
20 comments:
Oh, Wendy. The thought of you having self image issues just makes me cringe. I pray for you to see yourself as the rest of us do, absolutely gorgeous-inside and out. I am right there with you, though. Only I don't compare myself to others as much as to my old self. Such a waste of time and energy!
Thank you Deleise! I love having your support!
And i love having a blog so now we're talking more :)
I heard you werent feeling too well. hope you're better soon!
So that developing distorted fake relationship...GUILTY!!! It's like you can't not "befriend" them because you want what they have, but you can't "befriend" them because there's a big boulder between you and them. I would be jealous and a lack of belief in myself. And it's not that I have a poor self image (quite frankly, I could care less about what I look like, it's the heart that counts...) I just don't believe I am capable of doing what I am called. It's a weird mind complex thing I've battled for years. Great post. I haven't seen the message yet, I'm attending the Tues night Internet experience!!!
And don't let that boy make you bitter, trust me...he's not worth your torment. Just forgive him. :)
Mandy, thank you! I'm sure thats such a big struggle for almost every girl, and alot of times we dont realize it! But thank you for being honest and sharing that. I know i struggle with wanting to be a better person on the inside too!
honestly alot of times the enemy throws jealousy at me when i'm with you, and lori, and caroline, and hannah, etc. cause it seems to me like you all have such sweet hearts and pure spirits and have it all together! I kinda feel like the odd ball out. But I'm begginning to realize its all just a mind game satan tries to play on us to cause disunity!
I'm glad we can work on this together :)
I missed you at church on sunday!
love ya
The message did the same thing for me so now we can work on these together cause i know i'm going to need some help
I am sooo PROUD of you!!!! This is what is all about!!!! Instead of dividing, you girls are going agaist the grain and coming together in unity and love and fighting the lies and standing FIRM on God's truth! You're a leader at heart. You're leading with humility and your friends are following. I love Jesus and I love you!!!!! Thanks for being real!
Our flesh will always go against God's principles, but the more you submit the easier it'll get. It used to take me longer to recognize bitterness, now I know almost instantly and I surrender it to God on the spot and most of my the time I pray against my own feelings. Sometimes is instant healing and sometimes it's a process.
o. don't let us decieve you. I am learning everyday. If you are not learning you are not growing. That was a big lesson for me. I do have bitterness!!! wow. do i have bitterness, even in places i could never imagion. I like the organge -I had never thought of bitterness that way. God is certainly doing a lot of changing in my life and sadly at times I just give up or decided to do something else.
I am so proud of you and who you are becoming. You bring a smile to me everytime I see God work in and through you!
Wendy this will get harder before it gets easier but there are people here who support you! We all need someone to support us and build us up and hold are hands and let us fall. Weither you know it or not there are people praying for you everyday! I know I am.
but I promise you this: as you start to overcome this little by little your heart will change and the perspective that you have of people will change. Then God will open relationships you never dreamed of having.
Thanks for being honest.
Ejvis- thanks! its always been hard for me to 'go against the grain' but i'm praying God'll give me the strength to do it! I love being unified! :)
Lori-thank you also! i know we started out having the weirdest relationship haha. but i love how we are becoming more honest and open and trustin and loving! :) thank you for always encouraging me!
and also the whole harder before its easier.. i've been saying that to myself every time something comes up! except i say it gets ugly before it gets pretty. haha. but anyways. i love you! and thank you! and see you soon :)
Haha. I like that. "It gets ugly before it gets pretty."
I am so glade we are becoming good friends. :)
i hate that we made you feel like the odd ball. cuz believe me all of us have problems. and i know i've been jealous of you. i mean you can get along with like anyone and you're always so happy. but i just encourage to be yourself. and definitely live in God's peace and joy. i'm so glad you've come into my life. although i don't know you very well i hope to grow closer to you because i think you're awesome!!! so continue the good work. and love on God. tell Him everything. especially when you're mad or angry. don't just tell Him the good things. tell Him everything. it's good to vent to God. i don't where i'm going with that but ya...i love you girlie!!!
Hannah, wow, that really made me feel special :) thanks! pretty sure you're always happy and getting along with everyone too though! haha.
but that was so good to hear what you said and i do hope we get closer too!
btw what do you want for your birthday? i'm pretty excited about your party, and getting to hang out with you!! :)
love ya
This is WONDERFUL Wendy! You are BEAUTIFUL! I pray He would give you more grace to see yourself as He sees you as the days go by. I love that you girls are being so real and authentic. I see intimacy growing between all of you girls and it is a beautiful thing! I love you!
Shanna, Thank you! I love building all new relationships! Community is simply a gorgeous site and feeling! Thank God for people :)
I cant wait to see you and the boys tonight!! love you!
Wow Wendyloohoo!!! This is such an inspirational post! Thank you so much for being so transparent and honest and real with us. I have always loved this quality of yours. I completely relate to your insecurities. And I am so impressed with your ablity to bring them out into the light. Your humility is so encouraging to me. I like to pretend I dont have insecurities or problems, but it makes it so much easier to realize I am not alone. To realize that one of my closest friends struggles with me. You have been such a blessing in my life Wendy and I am truly thankful for our friendship and I love seeing how much you allow God to flow through you! You are an inspiration to me!
umm...well i like lots of things. like nail polish, jewelry, bags, clothes, scarves...PINK!!! haha. i pretty much like everything. i'm so excited to hang out with you!!!
(hannah) ok :) i have the perfect idea! cant wait!
today. forgive Bran***. today. forgive Spen**r. today! forgive De**.
today.
today. i forgive Bran***. today. i forgive Spen**r. today!! i forgive De**. today.
and you thought these burdens were yours? wendy, i felt more animosity (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/animosity)
towards these people than anyone I've ever known. but not today! today i let them go. freedom from bitterness is only found through forgiveness! lets BOTH work on it, every day.
your pain is mine. my hurt=your hurt.
and by the way, one of your spiritual gifts is discernment. you can see even past the false fronts Satan has put in your heart. you can edify away even your most painful hurts.
letting go is the greatest gift God has even given a bitter heart! we dont have to carry that weight any longer! keep me accountable to this as well, this is our fight; a fight that will be won on the battlefield of the mind and heart!
strap those boots on and let go to war!
-your 3-1.
Taylor, Thank you honey. It really means alot to me that you went through and read everything and commmented! You still after 6 1/2 months just give me chills everytime you write me, or talk to me, or hold my hand :)
i LOVE our relationship! And i love how far we've come! It all just amazes me.
And yes i will help keep you accountable! It just excites me traveling this journey of life with you! Thank you for being my boyfriend :)
Your Two.
Wendy.
Wow. I know that I struggle with bitterness, jealousy, self image, and insecurity. And most of the time it is me over analyzing things and situations. This post has really helped me understand. Forgiving is such a hard thing to do sometimes. But it is such a necessity.
- Raven.
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