MY STORY PART 12- DECISIONS

I gave Shanna and Jerome permission to keep me accountable, with this came many rules and boundaries. I could only hang out with people if I was with on of my amazing friends, Laurel. And I couldnt be on the phone past 11. And I fasted the phone and computer 2 days a week. etc. At times, this would become frustrating. . I was so use to using myspace or other guys to just escape the world when I was hurt.. by them stripping those things away from me it just left me broken, but drew me to God.

I developed healthy relationships and going to church for the right reasons. Me and my mom and my family were even getting closer and fighting less. This was such a major transition for me, but I saw the light on the other side, and knew as I was crossing the bridge it would be hard, but when I make it to the other side it'll be well worth it!

At this point, I was getting so close to God, and building a relationship I had never had before, that for once in my life I honestly felt like I didnt need a guy to complete me! I enjoyed just spending time with God, and my new friends that were GIRLS! and shanna and my family etc! I felt complete!! more complete than any other guy could ever make me feel! This was so reassuring to me, and helped me fight for purity and Godliness!

Barely a month went by before I met the man of my dreams! It was a friday night the end of July... I'm pretty sure the 20th. . anyways, Laurel and the girls, and some other guys were having a movie night at Laurel's house! I had noticed this guy name Taylor previously at church, and spoke a little to him last wednesday night, but never really talked to him..

It was getting to the end of the night, and we had been on opposite sides of the room basically the whole night. People started leaving and it came down to just 4 or 5 left. We all went outside in the driveway and started talking. Laurels friend that lived across the street was out so we walked over there. I didnt really know any of them left, and was bored and tired so grabbed a blanket and started to fall asleep on the driveway. . After dozing off a few times I finally got and sat on the back of mikes pickup. Taylor sat down beside me and we began talking.

We talked untill I think almost 3 am! It was crazy. I had never met someone that had intrigued me so much! We exchanged numbers and agreed to keep in touch. . the very next night we hung out again! Went to a little coffee shop and talked for hours again. I could see how much devotion and passion and respect he had! I admired him. and held on to every word he spoke.

But of course satan was whispering in my ear.. how could such a Godly man EVER want to date a girl whose already done it all? already screwed up her life and thrown it in the dumpster? Of course he wouldnt want me! He wants a perfect Jesus lover that has never even looked at a guy! (well thats what I was thinking anyway)

We began talking almost everyday and hanging out alot. This was such a struggle for me just to trust God that I wasnt going to get heart broken! I didnt want to get too attached since I knew he deserved better and that it would never work out...


Next post will be about how our relationship came to be :)