So I returned back to Shannas, still not opening up. I had such a sexual desire to be accepted. For a while I thought that it was weird I felt this way, normally guys are sexually driven, and I felt like I was just the odd ball cause girls weren't suppose to have that want.
Anyways, I told Dean about everything that had happend in NC and he didnt handle it well, he exploded on me which made me feel me want to escape from everything that was happening. I thought physical desires would fill that void.
Shanna and Jerome have date night every thursday night (which is an amazing idea!) :)
But because I hadnt opened up to them, they didnt know my struggles or my past or really why I even moved out! They didnt really know I was weak. I didnt really have anywhere to go when they went on their date night, so I decided to just stay at their house alone, it would only be a couple of hours...
Well satan knew exactly what to do, it wasnt 10 min after they left when Ben(a guy from DC) texted and asked what was up. I told him I was home alone bored. He then replied he was just at 7/11 getting gas at Danforth and Santa fe. (well shanna and jerome live at that intersection!)
It was completely perfect, statan had set us up.
So, being the needy self I WAS I then invited him over. . We went to my room and one thing led to another.. Jerome had left something and came back to the house. We were caught! This was one of the most embarrassing, humilitating, convicting, shamed, and emotional nights I had had in a looong time! I broke into tears and started packing, believing I would just move out, cause there was NO WAY they would forgive me! (I was so silly)
Jerome told me they wouldnt have me move out and I just needed to go talk to him and shanna. this was the night June 28th, 2007 I truly surrendered my life to God! Me and Shanna stayed up to the wee hours in the morning talking and crying and sharing and laughing. Those were such sweet and cherished moments! It was that night that I saw I had accountability, I had hope, I had people who loved me, I had Jesus by my side!
I cant even explain the change I felt just in that one night! I went from one person to some one TOTALLY different! Just like 2nd Corinthian 5:17 He makes ALL things new! I've never felt so loved and accepted by my daddy up in heaven! For once in my life I actually had a geniune PASSION to know him! A PASSION to live my life for him! I surrenderred everything thing! There was NO WAY I would ever go back to the way I was!
Next will talk about the changes I made in my life :)
yay! finally to the good part! thanks for reading!
--oh and i'm sorry if I was blunt and scared you guys away in my last post :( I was just being honest--
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8 comments:
What?! Scare me away...you kidding right?!...I love Him for rescuing you and bringing you to us all! You truly are a completely different person, I can't even believe you did any of those things. That's how amazing His power is!!!! I love you!
satan knows when we are weak and uses that against us. it's amazing how God works. :)
Don't..cha you just love God?
Isn't it amazing how He took such a yucky night for you and made it into something so beautiful? Yea!
thank you guys!! :)) love you! and so glad that you're still reading!! almost done!!! :)
ejvis. :) thank for your last comment too, gosh God is so good! thanks for reading! miss you!
Raven, omg yes! so true!
Veronica, what would we ever do without Him?? haha.
Deleise, yay! I know!! He turns all evil to good! miss you!
Did I ever tell you that Jerome and I set you up...hehe! We acted like we were going to a movie...even checked the movie times in front of you so you would think we were. We went 2 miles up the street to eat and knew when we left we were coming back after and not going to the movie.
Jerome knew you were weak. I wasn't as convinced. We even argued a bit about it. He was right, I was wrong....LOL!
You left out the part where Jerome threatened to kick Men's A** when we came in and he was there...LOL!
We have watched you be completely changed right in front of our eyes. Wendy...the memories of us crying and laughing and praying and then rejoicing I will ponder in my heart always. The only thing I was sure of when you came is that He loved you deeply and had a plan. He surpassed my expectations. You are one of my very favorite people on this earth and I am so grateful to have you as a god daughter. Your whole life is now an offering to Him...you are truly a living sacrifice...your beauty is beyond words. You are a godly woman, pure and full of wisdom and grace! You radiate His love to a lost and hurting world! I love you!
Shanna, hahaha omg! ok, if you would've told me you set me up, sayyy a week later, I would've been furious! But now, i seriously just laugh! that was so clever of you guys! thank you for helping me! :) i love you so much!
ok, so im over the whole nuance to this scenario and see i totally as a way for gor to work for the good in all things.
this is why its so important for us to always stand on guard. Satan has been studying us. he has a play book 7453 inches thick of how to scheme against us.
we only need one sentence to negate eveything; Jesus is my protector, my shield, my comfort and my strength, you will not win me over because the war has been won and you are the loser Satan! flee from me
technically thats two sentences, but whatev. ill leave this one brief as to look at all the sweet pictures u just posted! :)
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