MY STORY-PART ONE

THE BACKGROUND INFO

I was raised in a Christian home, both of my parents are Christian now, although were not saved untill some years after they were married. I have an older brother Paul, an older sister Emily, a younger brother Mark, and the youngest brother Jonathan. We moved around 8 times in 5 different states before I was 6 years old for my dad's job. Because of this and other reasons, we were all homeschooled. I never had any other friends other than my sister growing up, we moved around too much to develope any friendships, and I (never would've guessed it) was SHY! haha. but just around new people. When we moved back to Oklahoma, in the house we still live in now, we started attenting a church where i met my first and only best friend!

My older brother is 6 years older than me and we only played together half of the time. He was quite jealous of me because my sister use to be his best friend! When I was born she started playing with me instead of him, so he despised me for it. I felt alot of rejection from him. . remembering how he use to say he hated me and he would call me cuss words. Of course we would have our moments where we would get along and play together, but there was always a competition for my sisters attention.

My dad has always been the quiet type. Dont get me wrong, he is an AMAZING dad and I know he loves me but its just harder for him to show it. I never had that father-daughter connection with him. And because I didnt receive this from my dad, or my older brother, this left a void and longing for mens attention.

When I was about 6 years old I was sexually molested. I'm not mentioning any names, for it doesnt matter, that person has already been forgiving by me and God. It made me feel dirty though, but a hint of me liked it, kinda like thats just what I had needed to feel loved.

Anyways, I remember there always being alot of strife in our family. My older brother was hitting his teenage and rebellious years. Him and my mom would have fights everyday and this made me very uncomfortable. My sister on the other hand was going through depression and eating disorders etc so betweeen her and my brother they got 85% of the attention. And then I had a baby brother who was still a newborn, so he required alot of time. As well as my other brother mark who was going through tantrums and fits. So, needless to say I felt like I didnt really fit in. I'm a very needy person, and rarely were my needs ever fulfilled.

I want to say this is not my parents fault at all! I love them and understand raising 5 kids is hard work! I know they did alot better than I could ever do :)

Next post will be 6th grade.. my introduction to public schools!

love you guys!