MY STORY PART NINE- 10TH GRADE (PART THREE)

Dean was my best friend, and because I felt like I NEEDED a guy, I turned to him and jumped into another relationship. He was not a Christian but I thought I could change him. Little did I know. My parents didnt like him, he wasnt really the best guy, but he accepted me and showed me love, and thats all I was looking for.
I was making wrong decisions again and my parents had a talk with me, they said either they would support me, and I had to obey all their rules, or I could make my decisions and support myself. Of course I chose the second choice, and since I believed I was indpendent now I made moving aragments with Dean and his friend and moved out May 17th, 2007.


Leaving was one of the hardest things; saying goodbye to my younger brothers who were crying in the driveway. It still breaks my heart today knowing how much pain I caused my whole family! Anyway, Lance (Dean's friend) picked me up and all my stuff, and he took me to another one of Dean's friend's house. There were two guys living there, who were 20 and 23, Nate and Brian. They both smoked pot and were kinda crazy, but chill and cool. When I had moved in it was the first night I had even met them! It was 12am. . and was such a weird feeling moving in with two strangers. . So as soon as I got all my stuff moved in, we went to walmart to get some food and groceries (college-age-pot-head-guys didnt believe in eating)(or cleaning) lol. After we came back it was around 3 am, I picked up the kitchen a little cause it was really dirty. Since I didnt have money to pay them rent, my part way of paying them was by cleaning their house, cause they were guys, and they were slobs!

I didnt go to sleep at all that night. Just lying on the couch, watching the goldfish, praying to God, and thinking about my family, I was in shock of what I had just done. Did I really just leave the people who love me most? for the ones who barely even care about me? So much pain and regret swallowed me. I coudn't cry, couldnt show emotions. I was numb.

The next morning May 18th, 2007, Nate and Brian both had to work. I didnt have a house key yet, so when I left, I was basically locked out till 6pm. Restless and annoyed, I got up and got ready.. I didnt know exactly where to go or what to do. Dean was at school. and I knew no one else at that side of town. (Britton, MacArthur and NW Expressway).. All I knew was I had a longing for attention, and a void to fill, so I wanted guys to hit on me, so I basically put on the sluttiest clothes I owned.

Around 10 am, I started walking around town. I wasnt very familiar with this part of town so I was just aimlessly walking around, enjoying all the guys who would honk at me as they drive by. Eventually I found a strip mall and went store to store collecting job applications. Then I remembered Reggie (my first real boyfriend) lived in that part of town, So I called him and he came and picked me up. We went out for ice cream at Braums, and talked a while. Then he drove me to hefner lake where we walked around and and talked more. He then had to leave so I found a bench and layed down and fell asleep, even though this was probably not the safest thing to do, I was exausted.

I think I slept for about an hour and then my phone rings. . Its a number I dont recognize, so I answer.. My mom sounds frightnend and breathless, she was calling from a payphone just so I would answer, she tells me that she needs to know where I am or she'll call the police, I was only 15 and legally couldnt be moved out, also she said she already talked to Shanna about me moving in and I could.

I told her where I was, a little happy to see my family again, yet scared of how life was going to play out. But I no longer cared. Then all the sudden something hit me, and I got this surge of anger! I didnt want to go back! I had already ran away! I could hide! and they would never find me! I rebelled and called Nate to come pick me up so my parents wouldnt find me.. he did and I turned my phone off so my parents couldnt call. We went to City Bites and just sat down. I wasnt sure what I was really doing. We then decided to drive back to the house, Nate lived 3 houses down from Dean and my parents knew where Dean lived. So when my parents saw I wasnt where I told them, they went to Dean's house.

When Nate and I pulled in the neighborhood I saw my parents car and freaked!! I never would've thought they could find me! So I ducked down and told Nate to drive off. He took me to a gas station where I turned on my phone and called my parents. I lied and said sorry, my phone went dead. They came and picked me up.

I got in the car and didnt know how to react, how to feel, what to say. It was so akward. I knew I had just betrayed my family, so why are they picking me up? why do they still love me? I didnt understand. . .

I had only met Shanna twice, at her girls bible study, and I had never really met Jerome, or the boys. Moving in was hard, cause I felt like I was butting into their life. By the time I got there it was around 6pm and I was extremely sunburned and tired! No sleep+walking around for 8 hours+the sun=exausted!

All of my things were still at Nates house so Shanna gave me some clothes and shower stuff and make up and I went to freshen up. We went to a girls night sleepover thing that night. It was good cause it kinda got my mind off things. I actually felt semi-normal again. . but still in a shell, scared, and a little confused. .

sorry this post was so long! I promise we're getting close to done of all of 10th grade!! Next post is more about my experience of living with the Crawfords! love you Shanna! :)
Thanks for reading everyone!