MY STORY PART SEVEN- 10TH GRADE(PART ONE)

So as I began to write out this year, it became longer than I imagined! I will probably divide up into 3 different postings, just so I dont overwhelm you. Thank you for reading!

Just a reminder, at this point I was still drinking, smoking, sneaking out etc. I was also still being homeschooled, although not really doing my school. Well, this too was a very eventful year!

Lets start with September 3rd, 2006, I went to one of my friends 16th birthday party. Her older brother is about 4 years older than me, and always found me attractive. Because I hadnt had much guy attention since I left DCHS I just clung to him all night, we ended up going farther then we should have and again I felt dirty. Me and my friends decided to peirce my belly button that night, it was sooo painfull and stressful that I smoked a pack and a half, which was more than I had ever smoked in one night before! That was the night that I decided that I was really getting addicted, which was something I never wanted to do. So that was the last night I touched a ciggarette.


I really dont like talking about what happend on September 11th, 2006, this was one of the worste nights, and only 2 or 3 people know about it. It makes me feel ashamed, weak, humiliated, frustrated, and soo many other feelings I cant even describe. Please dont judge me for what happend... I went to go hang out with one of my college friends who was a good Christian girl and I just love her to death! Lets call her Sally.. I was suppose to go out to eat and then spend the night with Sally this night. While we were eating this other girl, we'll call Jamie, called and wanted to hang out. I had known Jamie for almost 6 years and was a pretty good friend. She was 18 and half black, quite strong and tom boy-ish. She had anger problems, and would get into fights alot. We were kinda friends but always had a weird feeling about her. . Sally agreed and Jamie met us at Red Robin. We ate and laughed and everything was going great. The family Jamie was staying with was out of town, so no one was home, so we agreed to go over there to watch a movie and stay the night there. We started watching Benchwarmers and Sally soon fell asleep. Jamie scooted over closer and layed right next to me. This made me a little uncomfortable, but I was ok. After the movie was over Jamie was still wide awake and asked me to talk a walk with her. It was almost 1 am and we went walking around the neighborhood. I then could sense something was up. . Because of her age and anger this scared me. I was being so fake and pretending to have fun though, skipping and laughing around the block. . . But then, she suggested something that just made me feel so akward. She dared me to strip down my clothes and go streaking through the neighborhood. I immediatly told her no! I wouldnt do such a thing! But she started to get frustrated with me, so embarressed and afraid I did it. I then gathered my clothes and ran back to the house. She stopped me and pulled me back to her room. . She wouldnt turn on the lights and locked the door. I was scared, I felt like this was a dream, I was trapped in a room with some physco friend of mine that has anger problems and controlling issues and I wasnt sure what was going to happen next. Jamie then addmitted to me that she has always been a lesbian and has liked me, that this was her dream to get me alone. Oh gosh, I was gonna pee my pants. This was not at all what I wanted to hear from her. . Next is the most embarrassing and humiliating thing! I dont know why I attract all these sexual preditors but I do. And being raped by a GIRL only made it worse!! I felt sooo disgusting, and ashamed. How do you even describe that? being raped by a girl? Its just SO embarrasing!! I cringe at every thought of it. Well I told ONE person, who told my youth pastor who confronted my parents. We went and filed a police report, because she was 18. Still untill now, those were the only people I've really shared this with. This was one of the hardest things to get over just in my self esteem. It was that night that I had had enough.

I made 3 vows to God and wrote them down.. 1) I would never smoke again. 2.) I would never have sex again till I was married. 3.) I would never drink again untill I was either 21, or got married, whichever comes first. I started to change and give my life back over to God. This was a big break down that I really didnt know how to handle, so I went to the only person I knew still loved me! My Daddy up in heaven!